I am not sure why I am doing this - but I really feel the need to share my story.
Project Short Shorts is and has been my personal goal for coming up to two years now.
What is Project Short Shorts? Quite simple - my goal to get into a pair of short shorts and look amazing.
Well, that's how it started. Now - it is so much more, but I will get to that.
Nearly two years ago I weighed 100kgs +, smoked a pack a day and drank alcohol like I needed it to survive. Sure, I went to the gym, but never exerted myself. Did I think I was healthy? Certainly!
I was in denial of what I was doing to my body. I constantly got sick with colds and tonsilitis, I was moody but worst of all, I hated the person I was. The person that I had become. A bloated, unhappy, fat and unattractive young woman that took it out on other people. It was much easier for me to transfer my inner hatred of myself to others to try and make them feel as bad as me. Its not that I wanted them to wallow with me, but misery loves company and I had a lot of misery to share.
On night, mid year 2009, I was out with a girlfriend at a dinner party where I proceeded to drink two bottles of wine for dinner (by myself). From there I remember cornering a poor young girl and drunken rambling to her for too long, saying things that I am positive did not make sense, and if they did - I apologise, as they were things that were never meant to be shared. From there, my girlfriend and I got separated - I ended up at a pub where I didn't even make it in due to the fact of vomitting up my entire dinner (of wine) in the carpark. I remember trying to ring people to come and get me but I was that intoxicated that I couldn't even see the keypad on my phone. I knew what numbers I had to dial, but I physically could not do it. I was so angry with myself. I never EVER let myself ever get that wasted. Finally - a taxi arrived.. From what should have been a $7 charge as it was only down the road, I remember parting with my last $45. I made the taxi pull over that many times so I could throw up. I threw up in front of a church on a Saturday night, around 9.30pm. I apologise to the church goers that went to church on Sunday morning and would have had to have waded through a knee high pool of spew. I am so sorry.
I remember getting home and making it to my room where I opened the window to get some fresh air/smoke a cigarette and nearly fell out of the window (second story of the house - would have fallen on a fence) The last thing I remember before I fell asleep is "I hope I die".
When I woke up on the Sunday morning - I was a mess. But the very first thing I thought is, "I am never drinking alcohol or smoking another cigarette again". How many times had I thought this before? Countless.. Had I ever stuck to it? Obviously not. What was different this time? The fact that I had utterly lost control of myself. I was disgusted with what I had become. And how I deemed it acceptable behaviour for far too long..
Nearly two years later (I celebrate it on 1st July) I am cigarette and alcohol free.
This is the start of my story - stay with me.
Jessica
